


Mister Manners

by The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: F/M, Love Triangles, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja/pseuds/The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja
Summary: Star Butterfly has the ultimate dilemma-the most happening party in all of Mewni is preceded by a mandatory fancy banquet-which requires all attendees age fourteen and older to bring a date!  Tom and Marco both desperately want to go to the party, but neither know proper Mewman banquet etiquette, so it's up to Star to train both boys to act like proper Mewmans and get through the banquet to enter the party.  The challenge is simple: whichever boy can display the best Mewman table manners gets to attend the party with Star.





	Mister Manners

**Author's Note:**

> I N S P I R A T I O N
> 
> Mister Manners
> 
> He's gentle as a hammer
> 
> But he's just so enamored with you
> 
> Yes it's true
> 
> — ALVINNN! & The Chimpunks, Mister Manners

Star stared at her Interdimensional Mirror, a scowl forming on her face.

"Mom, I'm not doing it."

The reflection of Queen Moon looked surprised. "But, Star! You've always loved going to the Glow Wing Fair!"

The princess rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but that was  _before_  you dropped the news on me that I had to bring an 'escort', a.k.a ' _date_ '."

"It's not a 'date', Star," Queen Moon frowned, "and besides, you know Glow Wing protocol states that all invitees age fourteen and older attending the fair  _must_  bring an escort."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the rules. 'No escort, no entry'." She sighed. She had always  _loved_  the Glow Wing Fair. It was, technically, a very important Mewman royal event, but one of the few that she actually deemed  _fun_. Sure, before the actual fair took place there was a rivetingly  _boring_ formal dinner that made her want to pour narwhal snot in all the goblets, but the fair in itself was, in one word: superextremelyfabulously _amazing_.

This year, she'd heard, that the famous Mewman band,  _Organza Crumpets_  were playing and that they'd even hired DJ Pon-3head as a guest. There were all sorts of games and competitions, her personal favorite (only because she'd won seven years in a row) being the Warnicorn Races. It was an experience filled with fun that rivaled the Bounce Lounge.

 _The Bounce Lounge_  . . . suddenly an idea struck her. She waved her hands frantically at her mother, who looked on disapprovingly. "I know, Mom—I'll bring Ponyhead!"

Star honestly didn't know if her mother's stare could  _get_  more dismissive. "Star, you know as well as I do that the Uni royal family is visiting their relatives in Pewni this time of year."

"Oh, yeah . . . right." She deflated instantly. What a time for Ponyhead to be on familial business! God, couldn't she have waited a few weeks before going? 

A voice spoke something to Queen Moon from the other side of the mirror. The silver-haired woman turned her attention from her daughter to converse with whoever was speaking to her. A moment later, she turned back to Star. "I'm sorry, but I have to get going. It seems that your father has gone and gotten himself eaten by dragons again. I'll see you soon, Star."

"Yeah, bye, Mom," she replied, all in one breath, as her mother's face vanished from the mirror.  

Star collapsed unceremoniously onto her bed.  She  _really_  wanted to go the Glow Wing Fair.  She imagined herself, head held high, charging the finish line on her very own Warnicorn, all the competitors miles behind her.  She would take her medal magnanimously, and then would rush to the dance floor and bop erratically to  _Organza Crumpets_ ' famous number-one hit, "Tongue on Tongue, Bone on Bone, Buns and Scones".

Her best friend, Marco Diaz, sauntered into her room as she was mid-dreamy sigh about her fantasy.  "Hey, Star."  He took one look at his friend's faraway gaze and raised an eyebrow.  "What's going on?"

Star jumped up from her prostrate position and wiped away the drool hanging from her lips, just noticing Marco. An idea begin to form in her head.  Marco would be the perfect person to take with her to the Glow Wing Fair!   She leaped toward her friend and grabbed him by the shoulders.  "Marco!  You have to be my date!"

Marco's eyes widened, and he took a few steps back.  If Star had been paying attention, she would notice the faint blush clouding his cheeks.  "Wait—uh—what?  Star, don't you think this is kinda . . . sudden?"

She shrank back as she realized the strangeness of her statement and red bloomed underneath her heart-shaped birthmarks.  She gave a high-pitched laugh.  "Heh, heh, what are you talking about Marco?  I meant—be my escort to the Glow Wing Fair!"

Marco looked  _mildly_  disappointed, but a relieved smile overtook his face.  "Is that another Mewman event or something?"

"Yes, yes, yes,  _yesss_!  It's like, only the greatest party in all of history!"

"Well, then—"

Suddenly, a column of flame appeared between them.  Star scowled.  Only  _one_  person knew how to make  _that_  dramatic of an entry.  

" _Hello_ , Starship," Tom sang, turning toward Star.  "What's this I hear about you going to the Glow Wing Fair?"

"Nothing.  You heard  _nothing_."  Star frowned.  

"Actually," Marco chimed, "that's exactly what Star was saying."

" _Marco_!"  she yelped at him chidingly.  

Marco put his hands up in defense and pointed to Tom.  "Hey, Star, Tom and I, we're friends-ish now, so I gotta do the . . . buddy . . . bro . . . thing and tell him what's going on."

"And  _that_ 's whyI like you, dude," Tom grinned,  bumping his shoulder with Marco.    

Star rolled her eyes.  _Boys_.  She turned to Tom.  "Okay, yes, I'm going to the Glow Wing Fair.  With Marco.  Not you."

Tom's eyes turned into puddles.  "But  _Star_ ," he pleaded, and Star _knew_ that she was prone to feel bad for him and honor whatever request he was en route to make.  It was practically routine.  "You  _know_  it's been my lifelong dream to see  _Organza Crumpets_  play live."

She thought back for a moment.  Yes, yes, that was true.  She knew that as much as Tom was a  _Love Sentence_ fanboy, he was a  _Organza Crumpets_  fanboy  _ten times that_.  

"And besides," Tom added, smirking.  Any pity she had for him flew out the window.  " _You promised_."  

"What?"  she growled.  She would never promise something so  _stupid_.

Tom cleared his throat and summoned a portal of flames, reaching into it and pulling out a scroll.  He read aloud, "I promise to Thomas Lucitor that I will help him achieve his lifelong dream in any way possible.  Signed, Star Butterfly."

Star frowned and whipped the paper out of Tom's hands.  "Let me see that!" 

Marco peered from beside her at the paper.  She groaned.  The words on the scroll were just as Tom had read, and underneath it was written her signature, in her loopy thirteen-year-old handwriting.  This must have been from when they were dating, or she would never had signed her royal Mewman signature on something so  _imbecilic_.  She honestly didn't know why he would keep such a thing.

Tom shimmied his way over to where they were standing and tapped the scroll.  "Can't deny it, Starship.  The promise is right here.   _In writing_."

"Aw, come on, Tom," Marco replied, rubbing the back of his neck.  "This is obviously from a long time ago.  You can't hold that over her head."

Flames began to surround Tom as his fury grew.  " _Long time ago_?  Marco Diaz, this was from a few months ago!"

"Oh.  I guess you  _can_  hold it over her head, then."

"Marco!"  Star barked.  She gave him her How-Dare-You-Betray-Me-Like-This glare.  

She groaned and fell back on her bed.  She knew that Tom was going through his "period of reform" or whatever, and it wouldn't be  _that_  much of a pain to have him around during the Glow Wing Fair (besides, if he got  _too_  annoying, she could always ditch him somewhere in the crowds once the actual fair started), but . . .  _Marco_.  Having him around would  _definitely_ be fun.

Suddenly, she remembered something.  The whole reason she needed a "date"—er, "escort" was because of the fancy banquet beforehand!

"Fancy banquet . . . fancy manners . . .  _or_  fancy removal-off-of-the-premises . . ." Star muttered to herself. 

Marco looked at her, a bit confused.  "Uh, Star?  Translation, please?"  

"Huh, what?"  She turned toward the two boys, who were staring at her strangely.  "Oh . . . I just realized.  Neither of you know proper Mewman manners.  And before the fair, there's a  _super_  fancy dinner-party-banquet thing and if you're not being all proper and stuff, the buff bouncer guys will throw you out."

Tom looked at her incredulously.  "What?  Since when?"

"I dunno,"  Star replied.  "I mean, the whole banquet thing starts when you turn fourteen.  And I just learned about it."

"Oh."  Tom's eyes widened in realization.  " _Oh_." He turned toward Star and grabbed her by the shoulders.  "Starship, proper demon etiquette is  _completely_  different from Mewman etiquette!  How am I going to survive the banquet?"

Star looked down and carefully removed his hands from her shoulders.  "One,  _I know_.  Last time you came over for dinner on Mewni, you  _lit the tablecloth_ on fire—which, was kinda cool, by the way.   And two, who said I was taking you?"

"Hey, well, I'm a stranger to Mewman manners, too, Star," Marco piped up.  "I mean, you had trouble adjusting to the norm here on Earth, so I'm going to assume our customs are different.  I'm not sure I'll be able to properly do everything right during the banquet, either."

 _Hmm_. . . Marco was right, table manners were quite different on Mewni than on Earth.  Heck, using a fork at the table instead of rake on Mewni was considered offensive.   _Yeah, neither of these guys would survive a second of the banquet._

Star felt another idea creep into her head.  "I know!"  She pounded her fist into her hand.  "We'll do a crash course in Mewman manners!  Three days!  Marco, if you can perform all the proper banquet protocol better than Tom, you can come to the fair with me.  And  _Tom_ , if you win, you can come, but if you lose, I'll try and get you tickets to the fair, but you've gotta find someone else to be your date."  There, then, no matter what she'll have kept her promise to Tom.

Larger flames began to lick Tom's form as he clenched his fists, but all at once, he took a deep breath and calmed down.  "Fair enough."

"I feel like in the past two paragraphs, the word 'fair' has been said  _way_  too many times," Marco inputted.  Before the stares Tom and Star directed at him could get any more stranger, he said, "But, yeah, sure.  I'll do it."

"Great!"  Star began to search underneath her bed for the unexpectedly large book titled,  _Mewman Manners: A List,_   her mother had sent her a few months ago.  "Its gotta—" she reached a bit farther, "be around here— _somewhere_."

"How many Mewman manners are there  _anyway_?" Marco asked, peering under the bed with her. 

Star finally fished out the much-loathed, fourteen-inch-thick tome and plopped it on her bed.  Marco and Tom's jaws dropped.

"A lot."

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a goofy story and honestly doesn't have too much hardcore romance. Romance in here is honestly more friendship based. I will try to to give both Starco and Tomstar equal amount of "shine time".


End file.
